Dare to be Different

Saturday, July 26, 2008

我一天比一天跟不开心 :( -

我真的一天比一天很不开心 :( is not that i am EMO, but really, i am getting more unhappy than i thought. i force myself to smile just a bit, but nothing at all.

i remember i told myself, my happiness is only 1%. whatever that are sour, i all kept inside myself or sometimes show it.:( i really dont want to get sadder and sadder. why cant he know me better than myself? why cant he just talk to me? i really dont want to be silent. Heard of silent killer? yea, it does kill.

yea, true, lilian do told me just now at class, HE wanted or tried to kiss joshua. i suddenly felt jealous. TRUE! i felt jealous! and i dont know why i get jealous?!i mean, joshua is a boy and why am i getting jealous over him kissing a guy? -.-?

i cant get myself positive. why the 2 of us dont have the guts? all i want is just him, just him all to me!! YES, I AM SELFISH. SO SELFISH THAT I WANT TO KEEP MYSELF SHUT!!!

i dont want to go back miri \:( i just want to stay. but what for i stay? if my darl got on, we also dont chat so much \:(

i only know that my heart is like a thin glass, once it is being touched, it's broken into small pieces, and it is hard to put back the pieces back together again.

i wonder, if i have really gone without telling you, i think you should know better than me.... i've been this since the beggining of the year. now, i am just as quiet as a mouse. i dont know myself anymore. i want to die. i want to hate. i want to love. i want to be selfish.

he makes me happy, he makes me sad, he makes me wanna shout "I REALLY LOVE YOU!!!but, do u?" he makes me want to quickly go back home and hug the teddy that he gave to me, he makes me wonder "are you lying to me?", he makes me become so quiet that i dont know myself, he makes me think that i am pervertict. he makes me sadder and sadder day by day and also happier and happier time by time. he makes me want to cry everytime i got pressure, he makes me cry without reason, he makes me cry whenever i thought about him. he makes me to become 现在很弱的我，我已经支持不住了，我已经觉得我很累了

朋友们有时候看到我为什么这样不开心，为了不让朋友们一直问，我每次都跟他们说:"我没事阿。我真的没是＂可是那只是理由而以，其是外面看起来很好但是里面却跟外面的感觉很不一样。

This post was written at 1:49 PM