Dare to be Different

Saturday, July 12, 2008

today? -

yea...today, another day
tonight, there is an acrobatic show in our school hall.
it seems many of my classmates are going.

the whole afternoon, type some hist.short notes sambil go friendster sambil listen to songs.
haha...i always make myself buzy.
i read a book saying that, making urself buzy is the best way to forget all those unhappy things; unhappy memories.

today, i'm quite happy and cheerful.
kinda lazy tonight, i am just waiting for my darl to go online(IF)
tomorrow we still have to go to padang for full-dress rehersal
we all have to wear long black sleeve t-shirt.
girls have to wear TUDUNG T.T grrr....whereas boys wear scarf, they will wear it like the pirates...arr x)
and we all have to be at school by 6.30 am... :'(
meaning have to wake up early...and it's SUNDAY
nah..who cares anyway

i think the show is starting, and i am not going.
cos i hate crowded place.

crowd places always makes me get angry.
crowd places always makes me feel like wanna cry
crowd places always lost my way.
crowd places always have too many strangers that i am always afraid of
crowd places always cant make myself clear
that's why i hate crowd places.
i prefer quiet place or place which doesnt have too many ppl.
if u saw a girl who is sometimes day dreaming or reading a book, that will be me. haha either a quiet or crowded place. but most likely CROWDED. by the crowded i mean at school in class xD.

i will have a test on maths & hist. D: wawa...hey you know what, i saw my darl this afternoon. i was drinking a cup of water and then i opened the curtain when suddenly saw BB and his sis were going out from Mui Nam. i think they bought some cakes for tea. and then saw them went into their car. if not wrong his bro also in the car, beside the driver seat. his sis was wearing a black t-shirt and short pants(jeans that is) and he is wearing a white t-shirt and a jeans x) he looks good x) i cant forget his image!!!!! x]

these a days, i will try to be open...arh who am i kinding, it's the same, open minded or not, who cares anyway.

i try to talk to my darl, but i just feel like something is stuck in my whole joints. i feel like why cant i talk to him? is there any wrong to talk to him? but i just dont know why we cant communicate. it feels strange. it doesnt feel right. i thought, if he doesnt talk to me in class, maybe he will talk to me in msn? but YOU'RE WRONG. he didnt even chat with me. that's when i feel so desperate these few days. that's the reason why i was so speechless, so in daydreaming.

what will be my tommorow be when my today is now going on?[i dont even know what am i saying, i just say what i feel like now] my tommorow will end sooner or later. i feel that if i am happy, the ppl around me will be sad. sometimes, it's better that i be sad cos when i sad, the others will be much happier. :') yea, i am that silly. always do things in my own way, my own opposite way. what to do, this is my personality. i try to talk with some other friends, but i think they are buzy with their stuffs or they didnt heard me. but i did rised up my voice, didnt i? you dont want me to get mad then i rise up my voice really big, then u can hear me. NO. orelse u'll think i m craze.

my only wish is to stay in heaven. whenever i stare at the sky, i always think where is heaven? there must be a staircase to heaven. my heaven must be somewhere up there. i wish i can just find a staircase to heaven and see what it really looks like. they all say it's a beautiful place but how beautiful can it be? is it really as beautiful as ur real home?

i dont have a real home. meaning i always kept on moving to many places with many different kinds of houses. i cant feel the word "home". cos i kept on moving only until now, i stayed in a hostel in school with my family.

i think everyone in this world is equal. no matter you are opposite sexes we are all the same. true isnt it? like we all will have enemies and friends. once you have friends, u'll have enemies and the enemies are ur friends. i'm just telling myself that and anyone who is reading this that everyone is equal mostly most of the time.

i wonder, if i left this world without reason, many things came to my mine:
= can i be stayed in heaven?
= will my darl miss me?
= will anyone cry?
= can i consider damn idiot?
= will anyone hold my hands when i am going away from them?
i think these answers are still far away, i wont know it until the end of my life.

i found that, if i met to any problems, there's no where i can go; there's nothing can help me not even a single dust. as my world is gonna end soon...

i think i am going to end here...
chiao
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This post was written at 9:09 PM