Tuesday, July 29, 2008

wahhhhhhh ":3 -

wahhhhh, these days are so busy. More hmwks and test -.-''' tomorrow is a public holiday cos Israk Mikraj.

i have so chinese, malay and hist hmwk. =_=''' haiezz...
i hate english!!!!!!!!!! hate it hate it hate it!!!!!!!!!
write later, dont feel like writting now.

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Monday, July 28, 2008

I FEEL LIKE.... -

I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING! BECAUSE I AM LIVING IN THE SCHOOL, SO I CAN' REALLY SIMPLY SCREAM HOWEVER I COULD. TCHERS MAY THINK THAT I'M CRAZY.

I FEEL LIKE BANGING THE TABLE. IS LIKE ALL MY ANGER ARE ALL IN MY BODY, AND I CAN'T SIMPLY EXPRESS OUT. NEITHER IN THE SCHOOL NOR PUBLIC. NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM.ORELSE MY PARENTS THINK THAT I'M CRAZY.

I FEEL LIKE WANT TO SAY:"I WANNA F*** YOU,B....". I CAN'T HIDE MY FEELINGS ANYMORE. I'VE GOT TOO OVERJEALOUS. MY JEALOUSY IS OUT OF THE LIMIT. SEEING THAT HE AND JOSH KEPT ON FORCING WING TONG SAYING BAD WORDS, I WANNA TELL THAT STUPID GIRL:"GIRL,CAN'T YOU JUST IGNORE THEM?! DO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY?! THEY TELL YOU TO SAY THOSE IDIOT,PATHATIC,FUCKING,STUPID BAD WORDS AND YOU JUST DID WHAT THEY SAY?! IF THEY TELL YOU TO HAVE S** WITH ...SOMEONE DO YOU DO WHATEVER THEY TELL YOU TO?" SHEESH, I AM NOT BEING RUDE, I AM JUST SAY WHATEVER I NEED TO SAY!!!!

I FEEL LIKE HATING. I SAID BEFORE I AM LOVING WHATEVER I AM HAVING NOW. BUT NOW, NOT ANYMORE.

I FEEL LIKE HE AND ME ARE BREAKING APART. I KEPT ON REMEMBER THE DAYS HE IS NEAR TO ME. TALKING TO ME JUST FOR A FEW SECONDS. BUT NOW, IS DIFFERENT. IT'S NOT THE SAME ANYMORE, AND I REALLY REGRET IT. NOW MY HEART KEEPS ON BREAKING INTO MORE SMALLER PIECES. AND HE WILL NEVER KNOW. HE WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT AM I LIKE INSIDE MY HEART ":'( HARD ON THE OUTSIDE BUT FERGILE ON THE INSIDE.

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Sunday, July 27, 2008

urm -

TURN TO THE LEFT; TURN TO THE RIGHT

i want this novel!!!i try to find in the library, but no luck D:"

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

我一天比一天跟不开心 :( -

我真的一天比一天很不开心 :( is not that i am EMO, but really, i am getting more unhappy than i thought. i force myself to smile just a bit, but nothing at all.

i remember i told myself, my happiness is only 1%. whatever that are sour, i all kept inside myself or sometimes show it.:( i really dont want to get sadder and sadder. why cant he know me better than myself? why cant he just talk to me? i really dont want to be silent. Heard of silent killer? yea, it does kill.

yea, true, lilian do told me just now at class, HE wanted or tried to kiss joshua. i suddenly felt jealous. TRUE! i felt jealous! and i dont know why i get jealous?!i mean, joshua is a boy and why am i getting jealous over him kissing a guy? -.-?

i cant get myself positive. why the 2 of us dont have the guts? all i want is just him, just him all to me!! YES, I AM SELFISH. SO SELFISH THAT I WANT TO KEEP MYSELF SHUT!!!

i dont want to go back miri \:( i just want to stay. but what for i stay? if my darl got on, we also dont chat so much \:(

i only know that my heart is like a thin glass, once it is being touched, it's broken into small pieces, and it is hard to put back the pieces back together again.

i wonder, if i have really gone without telling you, i think you should know better than me.... i've been this since the beggining of the year. now, i am just as quiet as a mouse. i dont know myself anymore. i want to die. i want to hate. i want to love. i want to be selfish.

he makes me happy, he makes me sad, he makes me wanna shout "I REALLY LOVE YOU!!!but, do u?" he makes me want to quickly go back home and hug the teddy that he gave to me, he makes me wonder "are you lying to me?", he makes me become so quiet that i dont know myself, he makes me think that i am pervertict. he makes me sadder and sadder day by day and also happier and happier time by time. he makes me want to cry everytime i got pressure, he makes me cry without reason, he makes me cry whenever i thought about him. he makes me to become 现在很弱的我，我已经支持不住了，我已经觉得我很累了

朋友们有时候看到我为什么这样不开心，为了不让朋友们一直问，我每次都跟他们说:"我没事阿。我真的没是＂可是那只是理由而以，其是外面看起来很好但是里面却跟外面的感觉很不一样。

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Friday, July 25, 2008

military :( -

yea, i suddenly remembered what tcher karen told us during the last history class. We, Malaysians especially, have to go to something like military(army) place to train our survivor skills. Above 18 yrs old, that is. and in malaysia is EVERY BOYS and GIRLS have to go. it's a must, there's no escape for it. if u escape from it, u will see me in jail.

true. very true. learn how to survive in the jungle isnt going to be that easy. u have to be tough....where as i feel like sick, all the time. i cant stop my crying meter for no reason. it's so hard not to cry, i cant cry any more!!! i am a big girl now and big girls dont cry, right? i dont wanna be a coward. i want to be strong, but it has somehow gone from thin air...

well, it's lucky that we have that kind of training lasted for only 3 months. and you get to be picked by the government if your result is good in the training. that's what tcher karen said.

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this is what i call, HUMANS -

this is what i call HUMAN:
firstly, humans:
-they find others' mistake and say them(their mistake that is) and take advantages to attack them. when you dont do any mistakes, they won't praise you not even a "Well done!"
-yup, they do find others' mistakes but not theirs.

secondly, humans:
- keep on saying nothing is perfect but till the end, they kept on saying do your perfection! perfection is everything!! -.-'''what the hack is this all about?!

thirdly, humans:
-always do things before they think. they act before they even think.

forthly, humans:
-always do the things in an opposite way. sometimes, when a person says NO, it turn out to be a YES.

fifthly, humans:
- kept on finding trouble for themselves. they try to create even more problems when all the problems turn out to be a GOOD&BAD THING!!!

sixthly, humans:
- make a lot of complains no matter how BIG or SMALL it is.

seventhly, humans:
- LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THEIR FACES. meaning hate to LOSE their face!

eightly, humans:
- are ALL YES ALL are stupid, since no one in this world is a GENIUS! no matter how smart you are, you are still the same! [incluing me =)]

ninthly, humans:
- keep on repeating the same thing.

tenthly, humans:
- never ever keep their promises.

11, humans:
- says money means nothing, but still it is something!! without it how can u have yourself calling your love ones [HEY! CALLING NEEDS $$, WITHOUT $$ HOW CAN U CALL?]
till here then__--;; i think that's all....evenknow there are still alot of them. :D

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

arhhhh, what a buzy week after Sultan's bday D:'' -

it's been so long since i havent write my blog!!!! since after the Sultan's bday, i've been real busy. Well some of the time just lazy =.=''' my presentation has improvement ":D but then miss carrie told me that i need improvements in fonts and colours. well, i havent present it yet. today is "Easy Life". i think mine is going to present on next week D:''' wawa....my godddddddd........so many test!!!!!!!! dammit =_=

yea;; i've been gloomy since everyday. i know, once i start be quiet, meaning i keeping myself in AGAIN!? dammittttt RAWR... SO FROM NOW ON, I AM GONNA BE HAPPY. I MUST, ORELSE MY PRESENTATION IS GONNA RUIN D:'' NO MATTER WHAT, I HAVE TO BE BACK IN MY HAPPY SELF!!!!!! WELL, JUST KEEP ME ACCOMPANY, SO THAT I WONT FEEL LONELY ORELSE I WILL START TO BE GLOOMY AGAIN!!!!!! D:'''

well, now i dont care whatever, let me just say to my gloomy side:W E Y M F L!!! xD >_n
*GASP* my desk is in a mess AGAIN. =_=''' oh dear, and i am so day-dreaming...-_- ME NO LIKEY XD.

let see, tomorrow has extra class for chinese and saturday has sci and karangan short test...o.o karangan, i left with the pendahuluan and penutup.

well, today nth much to say '':)
*just realize that next week has commerce test!!!!! arhhhhhhhhhhh* RAWR =.=

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

i think this is unfair to me -

i suddenly thought of the last computer presentation i had before. i felt unfair as my group get the lowest mark. i mean Soulja Stars's presntation is the last minute presentation, last minute job?! and they still can get higher marks than my group?! i mean, yea, true, my slides are not that good, but then i am not a last minute job?! i am not a LAST MINUTE job. i feel like it's kiinda unfair, they can get higher marks than my group. if like that, i would rather dont go for computer class, then go to art class. TRUE, i really regret that i had choosen computer not art.
i know myself that i am not really into computer, this subject. i like to draw. but then, ppl kept on telling me that dont choose art cos the marks are lower. so what? but now it's already too late. i cant complain anymore, i'll just have to stand this subject till next year and see how will it be

i really HATE computer studies!!! i cant stand it anymore, Solija Star always get above of my group, tcher's standard or yao qiu is really high...

eeeirrrrrrrrrr, damn it!!!!!!!!!!

hate it hate it hate it!!!!!!!!!

i didnt complain cos i scared i complain with the wrong reason.

argh, i just dont feel fair AT ALL. luck is not always by my side in computer studies. i regret that i have choosen computer studies not art !!!!!!!

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

i'm tired of this -

i'm tired of this; i m tired of everything. I had made myself miserable. i dont wanna live, i dont feel proud as long as i live. i live for nothing; is the best i go away from this world. i really hate this.

i really hate myself. i wanna talk to him, but somehow, me myself keep on running away from him. is not like he's gonna eat me or what. Then, why am i so afraid to go near him? i am a COWARD.

this sucks, if why cant i have a normal confidence? ok, fine, i dont have any confidence AT ALL! okay? I'M JUST a stupid normal girl who cant communicate with anybody, not even my bby. nobody understands me, nobody ever listen to me. nobody understand why do i cry easily,

my cheerful side is always inside me. that's why u can hardly see me smiling or laughing all the time. my cheerful is a crazy thing of me, once i am cheerful, meaning i m crazy.


everything is so fake but real to me...

i said i'm a crybaby, i cry easily, but no one believes. i get to cry sometimes for no reason; sometimes just only being scolded for a small thing, sometime just feel jealous; sometime just think that everyone is walking slowy away from me. until now, i show my sad faces most of the time......my happy faces are all in another world, full of happiness...........

for my bby:" you dont really understand me, right? do you think we can go on like this? i'm so tired of running away from you. i'm so tired of not talking to you. Half a year has gone, and we havent talk since we met... i think ....i dont wanna live anymore"

i know you dont have eSpeed to read my blog, but i hope you will read my whole feelings in here...

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

errr.... -

wow, i have been lazy for this year.

let see what i havent done:
x the ICAS paper
x composition
x rangka karangan
x hist(need to study)
x maths(need to study)

T.T i am like ergh......man this is NOT me. i am somehow, addicted to musics; addicted to computer...why cant i control myself? sometimes i really wanna throw the computer away from me for some time, and then can settle myself down.

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Monday, July 14, 2008

love the way he is now... -

I love the way he is right now.

i love the way he is not looking at me.

i love the way he try to get me.

i love the sound of his voice, sound so like a big boy.

i love...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

the way he is right now

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i kept on peeking on him -

yea, today i kept on peeking on him. Arh, i always peek on him. whenever he is not looking at me, i'll always peek on him. i dont know why, but i already get used to it and if i tell myself i dont wanna peek at him again, i cant. cos i can forget what i promised easily. i cant even promised myself...;(

today, i saw him wearing a new watch. shiny silver 8D, looks rich, and the design is almost like mine !!! =^^= but i think his watch is Rolex, whereas mine is well...Casio. Casio is cheaper and simple. But i think his is much EXPENSIVE than mine... haha. [O.O*Gasp* he is online!!!!!!! Xs, with mobile.....]

i had been a bad girl just now, in english lesson. i ate Choki choki in CLASS. my FIRST TIME, EATING IN CLASS!! when i was young, i always asked my mom: can i buy that chocolate? the answer is always a negative. this time, well, i didnt bought it, neither is my mom bought for me. it's nurrisa gave me the choki choki. my 1st time....xS eating in class. well, that was the only time, i became bad, broke the rule... i did once, hopefully i wont do it again.

well, what do u expect, the tcher, is like dont care abt us. plus, some prefects also ate it.

anyway, argh, composition, lame. the title is "what do you like about your school?" HELLO!? i dont have anything that i like about my school. i dont know where is the place or what is the thing that can make me feel like like the school. i am lazy...i decided to do tommorow. and karangan...have to do draft... sheesh, not yet a month, already saying 3rd term exam is coming....is like the battle keeps on comming so fast, so soon.

just now, chat with my bby. of course i was happy. but then, whenever we are saying goodbye[yea, saying gd bye so soon :(] i feel like my glass heart, is breaking pieces by pieces. anyway he promised me he will on tonight. =))

well...at school, i just wanna talk to him... i really want to talk to him, but somehow, i just feel like pins stuck in my throat ;( so...i only say what i wanna say in my blog... ... i still love him really! i love him. but we just...always cant communicate. is like, if we look into each other's eyes, is like the kind of "eye contact" is so ...erm...so nervous, is not an ordinary eye meet... the eye contact is so strong, sometimes i was so scared to look into his eyes... i can only imagine that he is beside me and we are talking like normal. but that's just in my dreams. it just an imagination, i know it wont come true.

i fell in love with Mariah Carey's songs!!! all are so x33

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

some unforgetable memories, unforgetable friend -

i can't forget the time i was in bsb. There are memories that i can't forget. i think in my whole life, i had the best time when i was in primary one. Every recess i get to play with a group of my friends, playing ice and water, play 'dont move'... :)

i remember when i was in kindergarden 3, after school, me and my old friend once went to i dont know i forgot...somewhere like a hotel[of course his mom brought us there. that time was raining if nt mistaken] . and then the 2 of us pretended we were in an aeroplane x)

yup, my old friend was a boy. i only remember his face when we were in the same class, that was young. now i dont know if he had changed or not, or even grow taller...:] we were in the same class in KG3, primary 1 and 4. Pri 2 & 3, he was in another class...

he was fat, wear specs 8D, okok....that's what i remember abt my old friend. He got 5As for PSR and now he is in Maktab Science. Lucky huh. i only saw hismom once for a while when we went to Hua Ho(Manggis) for shopping. his mom never change a bit. the last time i saw her, still the same; with long curly hair, plum that's what i can say and with a happy smile :)

i remember his mom invited me to go to their house. Well, that time i was a kid. and i had a lot of fun. His dad brought/made[forgot le] cheese cake!! yum...but then....i didnt know how to eat cos i dont know what is it. x] kinda miss him as a FRIEND............

cant tell you the name. hahax. He has brothers, i forgot how many already, the only thing i knew is that he has brothers, no sisters. sometimes they will argue with each other x) [small thing]

i dont know, among all the friends, he is the only one i wont forget... ._o true...maybe we were good friends. As the year passed by, my friends are all girls. Boys, only some. cos my parents are very sensitive with me and some boys. :(

gonna end here

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another tomorrow is coming -

tomorrow still have to go to school. omg i forgot to cut my nails!!!!T.T anyway, tomorrow dont have assembly, tues baru got. wait! tuesday, is his majesty's bday!! yay! no schoool!! woohoo! but still have to stay at home. :'s

my youngest bro is getting naughtier and naughtier day by day. Haiz, i dont know what can help him now. having bros are so tiring. Especially when you are the eldest and have to OBEY everything they say. I mean i have to OBEY adults and even KIDS...(pengsan sudah). haiz, what can i do, nth....just have to OBEY & follow...allah...........

today is gonna end, tommorow is on its way. yea...i dont feel so happy and cheerful today. Instead i feel tired and desperate. dang....

i wonder, what will tomorrow be like? hopefully is better than today. Yea, as i said once, today is a gift; tomorrow will be a mystery. [i got this sentence from KUNG FU PANDA xD] but it's true, so i take this sentence and it is still in my mind :p
btw, the time stated are wrong, all those are the ending time...now i baru notice. srry

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miss my young age and currently still readfing that book x) -

currently still reading this book by Rachel Gibson.
there are many more of her books in Popular, this is one of her product.

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today's my unlucky day -

truely, today is really unlucky to me!!!!

in the morning, i woke up early. Ok that's fine but not until when i wanted to have my breakfast. there was a moth flew into my room cos the door didnt close properly and then my dad marah me, that i didnt close the door properly. i was speechless, cos i forgot if i had close the door or not. ok that's suan liaw.

but then, whenever i want to start to eat my breakfast, the moth just ZOOM and flew through my hair. esh so irritating!!!! [arh damn it, just now the mouse got stuck again now, can already]

and then my parents marah me for complaining too much =_=. then at school, i try to talk but my friends i think didnt hear me.

well, i am lazy to continue
have to study
bye

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Saturday, July 12, 2008

today? -

yea...today, another day
tonight, there is an acrobatic show in our school hall.
it seems many of my classmates are going.

the whole afternoon, type some hist.short notes sambil go friendster sambil listen to songs.
haha...i always make myself buzy.
i read a book saying that, making urself buzy is the best way to forget all those unhappy things; unhappy memories.

today, i'm quite happy and cheerful.
kinda lazy tonight, i am just waiting for my darl to go online(IF)
tomorrow we still have to go to padang for full-dress rehersal
we all have to wear long black sleeve t-shirt.
girls have to wear TUDUNG T.T grrr....whereas boys wear scarf, they will wear it like the pirates...arr x)
and we all have to be at school by 6.30 am... :'(
meaning have to wake up early...and it's SUNDAY
nah..who cares anyway

i think the show is starting, and i am not going.
cos i hate crowded place.

crowd places always makes me get angry.
crowd places always makes me feel like wanna cry
crowd places always lost my way.
crowd places always have too many strangers that i am always afraid of
crowd places always cant make myself clear
that's why i hate crowd places.
i prefer quiet place or place which doesnt have too many ppl.
if u saw a girl who is sometimes day dreaming or reading a book, that will be me. haha either a quiet or crowded place. but most likely CROWDED. by the crowded i mean at school in class xD.

i will have a test on maths & hist. D: wawa...hey you know what, i saw my darl this afternoon. i was drinking a cup of water and then i opened the curtain when suddenly saw BB and his sis were going out from Mui Nam. i think they bought some cakes for tea. and then saw them went into their car. if not wrong his bro also in the car, beside the driver seat. his sis was wearing a black t-shirt and short pants(jeans that is) and he is wearing a white t-shirt and a jeans x) he looks good x) i cant forget his image!!!!! x]

these a days, i will try to be open...arh who am i kinding, it's the same, open minded or not, who cares anyway.

i try to talk to my darl, but i just feel like something is stuck in my whole joints. i feel like why cant i talk to him? is there any wrong to talk to him? but i just dont know why we cant communicate. it feels strange. it doesnt feel right. i thought, if he doesnt talk to me in class, maybe he will talk to me in msn? but YOU'RE WRONG. he didnt even chat with me. that's when i feel so desperate these few days. that's the reason why i was so speechless, so in daydreaming.

what will be my tommorow be when my today is now going on?[i dont even know what am i saying, i just say what i feel like now] my tommorow will end sooner or later. i feel that if i am happy, the ppl around me will be sad. sometimes, it's better that i be sad cos when i sad, the others will be much happier. :') yea, i am that silly. always do things in my own way, my own opposite way. what to do, this is my personality. i try to talk with some other friends, but i think they are buzy with their stuffs or they didnt heard me. but i did rised up my voice, didnt i? you dont want me to get mad then i rise up my voice really big, then u can hear me. NO. orelse u'll think i m craze.

my only wish is to stay in heaven. whenever i stare at the sky, i always think where is heaven? there must be a staircase to heaven. my heaven must be somewhere up there. i wish i can just find a staircase to heaven and see what it really looks like. they all say it's a beautiful place but how beautiful can it be? is it really as beautiful as ur real home?

i dont have a real home. meaning i always kept on moving to many places with many different kinds of houses. i cant feel the word "home". cos i kept on moving only until now, i stayed in a hostel in school with my family.

i think everyone in this world is equal. no matter you are opposite sexes we are all the same. true isnt it? like we all will have enemies and friends. once you have friends, u'll have enemies and the enemies are ur friends. i'm just telling myself that and anyone who is reading this that everyone is equal mostly most of the time.

i wonder, if i left this world without reason, many things came to my mine:
= can i be stayed in heaven?
= will my darl miss me?
= will anyone cry?
= can i consider damn idiot?
= will anyone hold my hands when i am going away from them?
i think these answers are still far away, i wont know it until the end of my life.

i found that, if i met to any problems, there's no where i can go; there's nothing can help me not even a single dust. as my world is gonna end soon...

i think i am going to end here...
chiao
=\

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Friday, July 11, 2008

my best dream ever!!!! -

just back from Miri.
well, i bought a new book called 'Daisy's Back In Town'.
it's a 'Little Black Dress' book...i dont know if that's the company or what.

anyway, i had this nice and strange dream last night
i was reading my book on my bed, read read read...suddenly i fell asleep
yup, i ngan tuk...so, i put my book and specs on the table beside me.

ok...here's what i dreamt abt:
i was like in my house, my house is quite big, it's only a double storey.
that time i was in my house, doing some house chors,
i was at the second storey of my house, when suddenly, i saw another stairs going down
'That's strange? how come there's stair over there?'
i felt curious, so, i went down to see what's down there.

i went down to the stair case which i saw, and saw a room. That room was kinda big. I remembered [if not wrong] i saw staircase which went UP again, to the atic, some doors, i think is 2 of them. One on the left, the other on the right. It looked like a maze. It's almost like a game, a door on the left; a staircase in the middle which went up; another door on the right.

Suddenly i remembered that dad had told me once that we were once living in a big mansion... so i thought that: can this be the mansion which dad mentioned to me?

Then i didnt really know which way should i go, so i tried the door on the left 1st. when i went in, it was like another world. The room looked much bigger, wider, richer and foreign style. i went left, and passed by some of the furnitures. almost the sofas were near windows.
[SOME I JUST SAY WHAT I REMEMBERED COS I KINDA FORGOT SOME]

THEN i opened another door and went in it. It led me to a SUPERMARKET which sells BABY'S STUFFS?????!!!!!! i was like, what?! and then i went on, i carried on my exploration. I went in to the "SUPERMARKET" and went out and found myself: "harh? in an orchard???I MUST BE DREAMING" after sometime...oh ya, did i mention that i saw 2 doggies in the orchard? then, after sometime, i went back to the "SUPERMARKET". and went back to the door that i came in from, just now. OH YA!!! btw, the "SUPERMARKET" was not selling BABY'S STUFFS anymore, it changed to selling clothes!? girls and boys clothes...=_='''

ermm...let see...after that[continue from just now] i don't know how come i was at somewhere like in front of a lift. And u know what? i saw syaoran and sakura....=_='''''''' they were like in some kind of magicsion(wrong spelling) outfit. i think they were in the lift. I forgot who was pressing the buttons of the lift. this is the strange part, the person who pressed the button, it was so strange that it changed and changed. Syaoran and Sakura were in there. the button was pressed once, and then the door of the lift closed and opened and saw only syaoran remained in it?! and then the button was once again being pressed again, and this time sakura was there. THEN it was pressed AGAIN, and this time both of them were not in the lift......O.O creepy isnt?

and then i dont know really how come i could go back to where i start from[where i said there was a door on left and right and a staircase in the middle] and then i went to the door on the right. i forgot what i saw/dream abt T.T

SADLY AND UNFORTUNATELY, I didnt explore the atic D: by that time, i had woke up...and my dream just end like that.......my dream spent to much on the left door....... :'( *sniff* *sniff* xD

well, that's my dream...x)

quite long, think the longest i've ever wrote
well, this morning, so ke lian....after waking up i went to washup...
after brushing my teeth i washedmy face.
suddenly my nose bleed AGAIN!
this is the 3rd time in this week i've got nose bleeding......:'(
i think i m gonna end here
continue sometime....
Aurevoir~

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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

today is well.... -

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Monday, July 7, 2008

what a buzy day -

my god!!!! what a buzy day
go check fs [normal],
keep on listen to the same songs [normal]
bla bla bla
oh ya!!
at the padang practice
so qi xing de orh
we all are on the practice
and it's going on smoothly and good
until the man said :''CUT the musik! STOP MUSIK ITU!''
and then stopped lo
after that, they told us to stop, sit and rest
not short later, the man told us:' the choir stay, flip chart can go back''
of course we, flip chart are happy
but then we didnt continue
i mean is like so 半途而废

Now doing computer slides
yesh.....havent finished yet!!!
T.T i just left one part
and is haleluyah
tomorrow, i'll be going on stage with the others
cos to let the others know we are the prefects [PROBATIONARY or in other words, temperory]

kinda nervous....
T.T my duty will be on tues, in the primary block
whereas he is on wed, and his duty is near the canteen
T.T not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not fair
not fair
not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love my bby!!!!!!!!just feel like saying that
well....i still have other things to do
so have to end here
SAYONARA! :)

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Saturday, July 5, 2008

my heart is damaged... -

he didnt chat with me tonight...he went online for some minutes...
whenever he wanted to leave already or go offline,
then he tell me:''hey bby, i am going now.''
i know, i really wanna reply him ASAP,
BUT my mom was there...
and it's difficult if ur parents were there beside you.
after my mom left, i quickly ans back...now is an off9 msg

i found that...he only talks to me when he have to go...
maybe, we are not meant together?
maybe...i am just too quiet ...
u tell me to sleep now, i'll say i cant sleep at all...

i kept on listen to songs, until i feel like inside my ears are bleeding
but actually sometimes really bleeds; sometimes no
even so...if i became deaf, do u think he will care?
hopefully he will :'

i feel so damn tired...but i dont have the MOOD to SLEEP...
sheesh....my computer project still havent finished and karangan...arh
damn it
well have to go...nites ='

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i am lazyyyy now!!!! -

Wahhh, this morning, yep...go to padang again
This time there are these V.I.P something like that from bandar to see our performances.
the things have came, the fans....errgh
the fans are so difficult to open..cos the wood is kinda rough.

i have karangan to do, but i am lazy now. T.T he* didnt wait for me after skool...
well, that's ok...i've get used to it already. let see...
i have *karangan, computer presentation, and ......* i dont know
whatelse....now i am listening to 'It ends Tonight' by ALL AMERICAN REJECTS
i dont know why i suddenly love 'rock' songs...since he* came into
my life....

NOW, is 'I Don't Wanna Grow Up' by Simple Plan.
yup, another rock song...this one is quite cheerful
the lyrics are like kids, dont wanna grow up!!!
really, sometimes growing up is not fun...
but u still have to...orelse what for u are living right now?
we born, we grow, we live and then we die...maybe
this is called life...

to him*: do you think...we can...you know...talk sometime...like what the others
do...if not, then nevermind... i ...am sorry......i just wanna say sorry...
i don't know why do i keep on saying sorry to you...

maybe is bcos, i feel guilty... everyone keep on helping me
But i dont help them at all...

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Thursday, July 3, 2008

continue -

CONTINUE...
now watching tv, chatting and writing blog.

today's news, this afternoon the choreographer(we all called him bondan), gave HIM a NAMECARD?!!!! xDDDDDDD and then i took it and have a look
and u know what, he is a MAKEUP ARTIST. makeup artist of wedding la, dinner la, party la, all those ..... my goddddd, i mean, why did he gave HIM a name card????? IS it maybe their hairstyle is almost the same??? xDDDD [MAYBE..YOU'LL NEVER KNOW]
T.T THIS practice, i feel so miserable, especially my seats...today is the worse practice ever for me that is. i was seating next to the form2 Bs. and also the f4 guy name daniel. sheesh, he 'pui' the drinks to Zafirah and then acidentally splashed dao on me. 还不要紧orh, he didnt even said sorry to me. sheesh....==
today, the 10 of us became a temporary prefect. well, we just took a photo of us and for sure i'll look cacat!!!!
well, i havent choose my occupation yet. i know i want to have the kind of occupation that has art OR or.....that can show your feelings... anyway....the kind of job that can show feelings and that can have beautiful art...
: ( i feel so lazyyyyyyyyy, my heart is not with books....not with my studies...T.T
hrmmm.....maybe until here now...
to be continued then....=)

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arhhhh omggggg -

omggggggg,having a hard time to decide, what should i study and when.... EVERY practice always made me sleepy *yawn*

OMGGGGGGGGGodddddddd, i have to copy geo notes and do maths wk bk.....= = now dinner 1st later i will continue.

to be continued...

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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

i hate myself -

i guess...my friends have gone away from me and i can't control my temper. But how? i want to control it but still no use. i hate myself. i feel like i am useless in this life, in this world, in this universe, in this galaxy.... I have no talent in anything, i am not as creative as the others; i am not that good in studies; i am not that active in sports or dancing all those stuff; SUMARIZE ALL TOGETHER, i am USELESS. i don't know anything. My friends are making a distance with me. i keep on pushing myself closer to them, but i think no use at all.

And i don't want to be negative. I want to be open-minded, but i can't. Can u tell me how? i think i am craze...

to be continued...

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